She's gone

Unbelievable,

We've been through a lot together these past four years. She'd hoped to see me through law school and we'd agreed that she'd work the whole time to support me until we reached our goal... and she did, almost.

I remember the first day I saw her. It was back in Utah during the spring of my senior year in college. Back then, unlike now, I could afford to be picky and had many options. There were many that looked like her, but none exactly the same. She was smart, quick and introduced me to numberless jokes and pleasant distractions. She was a good traveller, and accompanied me on quite a few adventures. And she was warm. I knew all of her buttons...and sometimes couldn't resist gently pressing them...Usually, with a bit of hesitation, she'd let me turn her on.

When we first met, she warmed up to me immediately, and truly, we worked well together. Even now I remembern the deep blue of her gaze as we sat face to face for the first time, that same beautiful sky palour that looked upon me before she left...

For four long years, come rain or shine, she always had my back (or was riding it). Sometimes I told her that I thought perhaps she was a bit too big and heavy, but she always ignored it with a good natured silence. She understood me.

She could sing too. Oh yeah, I loved to hear her sing. I'd download a bunch of my favorite songs from the internet show them to her and then ask her to try them...and usually she could, always in perfect tune.

I didn't realize how much I depended on her, confided in her and how much of each day I'd spent with her until it was too late...

She went quickly. I never even saw it coming. I guess that's normal--I mean, if I'd have known something was wrong I would have tried to correct it or fix it somehow, perhaps change my behavior--whatever it took. But sometimes life blindsides you. And it always does it with the important things. Like her.

We had just finished our morning class together. Like always, she'd been taking notes dutifully and then suddenly, in front of everyone, she froze-- Just up and froze and became eerily quiet, then she turned blue--- that same sweet sky blue I looked into the first time we'd met--- which I found out later is a fatal sign...

She never got to see me finish what we'd started together--law school. Two weeks before our last finals and a month before graduation...merely four months from taking the bar, her heart gave way and she died.

And now I have no idea how I'm going to come up with a replacement computer.