Same Holiday, Different Christmas

And So That was Christmas…
and although it approaches sacrilege to say,
the Christ celebration is incidental.
To me, it is about coming home, in family, but more so about coming home inside.
It is the beginning of the end of another year, a winding up of another ring upon my trunk, wrinkle on my forehead, hair upon my back, change inside my me.
I notch my current me upon the wall next to all the notches left years prior…where I chart my growth as I did my height when I was a kid ( such height which stopped abruptly and rather rudely my sophomore year of high school…at 5'8.6"-at 3200 ft.)
It's about coming home to the reflection of who I was and who I've become, what I dreamed then and what I dream now, and how close or far apart the two have become. I present myself to my parents, family and old time friends. Our changes over the past year often contrast with expectations.
I came home to my family and hometown, smallville USA-Logan. Where main street is still the main drag with façades, and small enough that all social circles intersect for good and bad. Logan is a place where a reputation amongst your neighbors is a reputation amongst your friends.
Our family's traditional gift is a 50lb box of Idaho potatoes. Every year my brothers and I make the rounds to deliver to the usual suspects and perhaps one or two additions to the traditional list. This year my older brother Peter couldn't come because he had to take his wife and four children to Salt Lake City to see the Temple Square lights and sights, and my younger brother Stuart (Bouk) couldn't go because he is on an LDS mission in Taiwan. Dad had nine cases of surgery yesterday and eight today. So I took Pete's truck and made the deliveries alone, at every stop comes a face known from childhood; Houses once brimming with children, and consequently cursed with messy yards, now lie repentantly empty and immaculate—their aged caretakers usually now tending an empty nest stocked with aging toys that eagerly solicit grandkids' visits. Around here, these grandkids are frequently the offspring my old high school buddies and girlfriends. And with each stop comes updates on lives, business and events paired with queries of what I've been up to since dropping off the potatoes last year. Everyone, it seems, is trying to gauge the winds of change.
Such updates bounce off of these roots of my upbringing, etching that annual subconscious notch against old ones.
Morris, married two summers ago, just past the dentistry boards at UCLA and is applying to the top orthodontics schools. Jordan, married two years ago, has two children and is midway through his second year of Medical School in the midwest. BJ married a Fin and is now living with her in Finland and seeking citizenship there. Nick is dating his old high school girl, Addrienne, again and they plan on getting married this summer. Katie is a nurse in Salt Lake. Natalie is expecting her first child and her husband is finishing law school this year. Jenny moved back from Boise and is raising her daughter in Logan. Jesse just finished an ugly divorce. Dan died of a previously unknown heart condition etc. etc etc.
After I update each house about 'what I've been up to comes the inevitable, nonmutable and dreaded "so why aren't you married?" or "Dating anyone?" to which comes my solemn reply..."I've got a boyfriend"--no, just kidding; but really I usually just murmer something about girls not having good taste these days and someone needing to remind/teach them that I'm very attractive.
Whenever in Logan, I eagerly beg attention from ten (soon to be eleven) nieces and nephews; unremorsefully bribing their affections by buying each one a toy. I don't wrap the toys, but give each one to the kid personally and well before or after Christmas, so as to help them better associate the bribe with me and not Santa. Maggie, Grace and Navy all got princess necklaces from 'Adorn Me' because I've learned that anything princess is a sure bet. Cole got some NBA basketball shorts, Zach an NBA sweater (I think I missed the mark, they aren't yet old enough to want clothes and would still prefer toys…but then again at what age does a guy ever prefer clothes over toys?) but Quin and Charlie got hotwheels diesel trucks with accompanying trailors… the young 'uns get nothing since they aren't yet old enough to understand the terms of the bribe.
The kids make me happy because I can easily make them happy. I crave such power J.
..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />To sum it up, my personal feeling is that Christmas' greatest blessing is its perspective. Traditional rituals remind me of what made me happy then, makes me happy now, and might sustain happiness forward. It sets the ducks in line for the New Year renewal, as I seek to come to terms with life as given, one more day, one year at a time.